All in the (Modern) Family, College Edition

The writers of Modern Family nailed it this season when Claire and Phil moved their oldest daughter, Haley, into her freshman college dorm. The show was funny and over-the-top (Phil dropping a big box of condoms in front of Haley’s new roommate and her father), but with an undercurrent of real emotion and a sweet, not sappy ending.

Claire’s expression of bewilderment and loss as they drive home and her emotional reaction when Haley calls to say thanks and “I love you guys” choked me up.

Even now, in the first semester of Jack’s sophomore year, I occasionally experience that feeling of loss even as I admire the confidence that allows him to keep loosening those apron strings.

Parents handle the transition to the college years in different ways and at different levels of emotional intensity. For Kathleen, a colleague who lives in Nashville, the separation from her freshman son this fall hasn’t been so difficult. “I am the kind of Mom who didn’t cry on the first day of kindergarten and, many years later, didn’t cry after dropping our only son off to college,” she explained.

She celebrates this next phase of his life and the opportunities he will have at college. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear from him. Getting a reply to her text or email or a rare phone call from Joe is “a highlight of my day.” She also gets to read the entries he writes for a campus blog.

Kathleen and her son had a running joke throughout his high school years that he would let her be his Facebook friend once he started college. “True to his word, Joe ‘accepted’ me as his Facebook friend as we were on the highway headed home from college move-in day,” she told me. “I made the promise not to make a lot of comments on his page. We message each other privately. However, being connected on Facebook and Instagram means that I won’t be surprised this Thanksgiving when my freshman comes home with a full ‘Grizzly Adams’ beard. I’ve already seen it.”

My son still won’t accept me as his Facebook friend and he’s not interested in Skyping, but I agree with Kathleen that being digitally connected allows us to interact with kids away at college in ways our own parents never experienced.

On occasion, the ease of such connection makes any prolonged silence at the other end a little harder to bear. That was true for me as Jack started his sophomore year. He had less need to check in about things he was perfectly capable of handling himself and was his usual reticent self when describing his day-to-day life. But in the past month, he’s opened up a bit more, which makes me happy.

Even Kathleen, whose son seems willing to share his thoughts and feelings, has to confess that most of the communication in her family is initiated by Mom and Dad.

Those of us with sons can relate.

Being college parents has actually broadened their social life. They’ve become involved with Nashville’s “extremely active” Ohio State alumni chapter and watch football games at a local hotel with 100 or so of their “new friends.”

“Joining the alumni group on football days has been fun for us to stay connected to the campus,” she said. “We cheer with the alumni while Joe cheers in the stadium.”